


Welcome to Bitty Club!

by Kassykins



Series: Love? It's complicated [7]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Just Roll With It, Multi, Slice of Life, kids in middle school, none of the kids have genders, none of this is going to be too serious, we all need some FLUFF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26361400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kassykins/pseuds/Kassykins
Summary: You're the new kid in school!It's not all bad, though, as you quickly discover your new school has a Bitty Club! Two of them, in fact! You pick the Skeleton Bitty Club, for obvious reasons, and are soon taken under the wing of your eccentric new clubmates and their adorable skeletons!Will your boys, Red and Edge, be able to get along with the other bitties? Can you find more things in common with your new friends? Who's The Weird Homeschool Kid they keep talking about, and why does no-one use their real names?!Welcome to Ebbott Middle School, new kid - it's gonna get weird.
Series: Love? It's complicated [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1321625
Comments: 19
Kudos: 52





	1. The New Kid

**Author's Note:**

> A short note about the humans kids in this work.
> 
> On my other bitty fic, A Little Bit(ty) of Trouble, a long-time reader commenter wrote: 'Since the bitties are just miniature versions of the monsters we know, I pictured the human owners as younger versions of the different protagonists of the other fics you wrote. It was fun to imagine younger survivalist MC with tiny horror bros, fun to imagine younger Reckless with tiny Blue and Stretch accompanying them on their crazy rides in their pockets... younger Sam with tiny skeletons helping out with their studies'
> 
> And well... I had to write it! You don't need to have read those other stories to enjoy this one, but I wanted to address the lack of names and genders thing - those other fics are reader fics too, and I do everything I can to not mention genders or appearances so that readers can really slip into the roles. I've described them only a little based on their clothes for this fic, but I don't want to impose on any images on my readers.

New town, new school, same old tropes.

So yeah, it was a new start, and you were kinda mad at your mum for moving so far away from the place you grew up after the divorce, and yeah, you were gonna use this opportunity to reinvent yourself, be extra stylish and make awesome new friends, but well... popular tropes are popular for a reason.

And yes, you are running late on your first day at your new school.

“Why didn't you wake me?!” you cried as you darted about getting dressed.

“i tried.” Red said from your pillow, picking at his sharp teeth “then i fell asleep. ya can't really blame me.”

“Yes I can!” you yelled, pulling on your last sock and darting down the stairs.

“Well, look who decided to get up!” Edge yelled from the kitchen, where he held a spatula twice his height “You're going to be late!”

“Red didn't wake me!” you defended “Where's my bag?! Do I have time to make lunch?!”

“It's by the door, and your lunch is already in it.”

“Oh my god, thank you!”

“Wait, come here!” the skeleton demanded.

With a frustrated squeal, you ran back to the kitchen, practically pacing in front of him. He beckoned you down to his level before straightening up your collar and popping a tightly rolled up omelet in your mouth.

“Have a great day at school.” he told you “Have fun, make friends, and come home safe.”

You couldn't help but melt a little at all four inches of skeleton bitty trying to mother you. His pointy teeth and sharp claws made him look so dangerous, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

You kissed him on top of his skull, hoping you didn't get too much masticated egg on him.

“I love you too.” you told him.

“Get going, you're gonna be late!”

A quick glance at the kitchen clock told you you had twenty minutes before first bell. Never before had you moved so fast to get to school, but being late on your first day was a total noob move! Thank goodness the school was within walking distance!

Still, walking distance isn't the same thing as running distance, and you only got a few streets before you had to stop, hands on your knees, panting like a sinner in church. PE was not your strongest subject.

Great, now you were going to be late _and_ gross. The _best_ first impression.

“Hey!”

You jumped at the sudden voice, looking up – a kid on a BMX was stopped on the road beside you. They looked maybe a year or two older than you – fifteen at the very most – and had a ponytail, but nothing about them gave away if they were a boy or a girl. A very boyish girl, or a damn good looking boy...

“Headed to Ebbott Middle school?” they asked.

“Y-yes.” you panted, still out of breath “G-Gonna be late.”

“Cool, hop on.” they offered without a second thought.

“Seriously?”

“Of course! Hurry up, or we'll both be late!”

You didn't really have time to think twice about it. You climbed up onto the stunt bars on the back wheel of the bike, grabbing the rider firmly by the shoulders.

“Thanks for the lift!”

Without further ado, the kid took off irresponsibly fast, standing up as they pedalled like it was the easiest thing in the world. They must have some powerful legs! Were they on one of the schools sports teams?

In no time at all, the school appeared on the horizon. A stern-looking teacher stood at the mechanically closing gate to catch the latecomers.

“The gate's closing!” you pointed out “We won't make it!”

“Oh yes we will!” the rider declared, somehow picking up the speed even further and sliding through the gate with millimetres to spare before the motor finished it's work.

You were a little rattled – usually when you went this fast, you were inside a vehicle!

“SAFE!” the rider declared.

“By a hairs breadth, Reckless.” the teacher scolded “As usual. Get to class.”

“Special delivery, Mr Roman!” the rider... did the teacher just call them 'Reckless'?... declared, grabbing your hand and holding it up “One new kid!”

“Good work.” Mr Roman agreed “You got a name, new kid?”

You told him, taking a moment to catch your breath and you clambered off the bike. You weren't even the one pedalling, why were you so tired?

“Well, welcome to Ebbott Middle.” the teacher said “Go along to the office for you class assignment. Reckless, put that in the bike rack, not the bush!”

The teacher moved past you to deal with whatever your early morning saviour was doing, leaving you to find the office. You vaguely remembered where it was from your induction last week...

Luckily, the office was much better prepared than you were, and had already elected a student ambassador to show you around. Much like Reckless, they were a few years older than you, slim and serious looking with big glasses and a bad case of resting bitch face.

“It's a pleasure to meet you.” they introduced “I'm Sam. I'm your sempai for the week.”

“'Sempai'?” you repeated with a laugh.

“Not my phrasing.” Sam assured, hefting a put upon sigh “We have first period free so I can show you around. Any questions before we begin?”

“Just one.” you admitted, pointing to an unusual bulge to the side of their sweater vest “What's that?”

It occurred to you then that that might have been too personal a question, but Sam didn't mind at all, reaching under the fabric and pulling the object from their shirt pocket. In their hand was a skeleton bitty, roughly half the size of Red, who only peaked one bright white eyelight open long enough to take a look at you before going straight back to sleep.

“This is Sans.” Sam told you “This is what he does 90% of the time.”

“Oh my god, he's so cute!” you gasped “How come you're allowed to bring him to school?!”

“Two reasons.” they explained, putting Sans back in their breast pocket “The first is because he spends 90% of his time asleep. The second is because I'm president of the schools skeleton bitty club.”

“Skeleton bitty club?” you repeated “Why not just bitty club?”

Sam's stoic visage broke for just a moment, flicking to an annoyed scowl.

“Because the girl who runs the bitty club won't let us join.” they confessed “She says they aren't cute enough.”

“Shut up!” you gasped “Sans is the cutest bitty I've ever seen!”

“Eh, I've seen cuter.” Sam shrugged.

“rude.” came a low voice from their pocket.

“But there's a few of us in the school with skeleton bitties, so we formed our own club. Officially there's three of us, but the weird home school kid drops by every now and then too.”

“I have skeleton bitties too!” you blurted out, grasping onto the fact you had something in common “I'd love to meet some fellow aficionados!”

“Well, feel free to come by the club.” Sam offered “We meet three times a week. I'll show you our club room as we go.”

With a wave of the serious looking black book in their hand, Sam led you on to begin the tour of the school.

* * *

“You said you had it!”

“i miscalculated, it's not the end of the world!”

“I'm absolutely soaked, it's going to take hours for my clothes to dry!”

“quit yer damn whinin'!”

With another shortcut, the brothers appeared on the concrete windowsill. They immediately peered inside, studying all the young faces.

“is this the one?” Red asked.

“I don't see them.” Edge grumbled “Of course, if you had actually woken them up _on time_ , we could have slipped in their bag when they weren't looking, like we _planned to_!”

“and if _you_ weren't such a damn worry-wart, the kid could have a normal first day at school without us spyin' on 'em!”

“But what if there are bullies?!” Edge hissed “Bigger kids with bad attitudes? Peer pressure?!”

“oy...” Red sighed.

“um... hi?”

The brothers looked around. Another Papyrus-type bitty stood on the sill with them, only this one had a shiny gold tooth, and was wearing a miniature version of the schools uniform.

“you guys lost?” he asked.

“We're looking for our kid!” Edge told him immediately “It's their first day!”

“ah,” the other bitty nodded “first day jitters, huh?”

“On the contrary, they couldn't be contained!”

“i wasn't talking about the kid.”

Red snorted, holding in a laugh while Edge's skull lit up bight red. The other bitty let out a low chuckle, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“it's cool, i get it.” he assured “i come to school with my kid every day.”

“Wait, you can do that here?!” Edge gasped.

“eh, depends on the circumstances.” he shrugged “have your kid stop by the bitty club, they can give you more info. how old are they?”

“just turned twelve.” Red informed him.

“next floor down, then. The rooms are colour coded – lower tier classrooms are white, mids are green, higher tiers are blue.”

“What are you inferring?” Edge growled.

“i infer nothing.” the bitty told them with a smile “even i'm not so rude as to ask if your kid is a dumbass, so i'm just giving you the options.”

The other skeleton suddenly got distracted, as if hearing something they couldn't, looking back into the classroom.

“i have to go.” he told them “good luck finding your kid – welcome to ebbott middle, i guess.”

With no further ado, he shortcut away, blipping back to life on the desk of a kid in a wheelchair.

“'circumstances', huh?” Red noted.

“Must be a service bitty.” Edge thought “But anyway! Back downstairs, brother, we have work to do!”

“aye aye, boss.” Red sighed, taking his brothers arm and starting the search anew.

* * *

No-one ever achieved much on their first day in a new place – Sam was very good at pointing out where everything was, and even had lunch with you so you wouldn't have that 'no-one to eat with' stress. Despite their serious face, they were pretty cool – you'd never had a friend you would call 'mature' before.

Today was one of the days the skeleton bitty club met, so as soon as the last bell sounded you ran along to the room Sam had shown you and waited.

The best way to make new friends was to find people you had things in common with. Even if owning skeleton bitties turned out to be the only thing you had in common, at least it was something! You could always branch out from there!

“Excuse me.”

You looked around at the voice. A kid in a wheelchair was stopped in the hallway beside you. Even with the school uniform, there was something about them that screamed 'I live with my grandmother'. Sensible, old-fashioned haircut maybe? The fact they were wearing a cardigan?

“I need to get into that room.” they told you “May I get past?”

“Oh, sorry.” you said, moving out the way.

As you did, you noticed a bitty sat up on the kids shoulder – a handsome skeleton actually wearing a school uniform.

“Oh my god!” you gasped “That's so cute! What's his name?!”

They both turned to you, a little surprised, before sharing a look.

“Are you here for the club, by any chance?” the kid asked.

“I am!”

“first day?” the bitty asked.

“That's right.” you confirmed again.

“i'm rus.” the bitty introduced “come on in, the rest of the club will be here soon.”

The kid unlocked the room, leading you in. The space wasn't much bigger than a cupboard, but had space enough for a table and a few chairs, and a counter to the side that had a few kitchen bits on it.

“You guys have snacks?” you asked idly.

“why else would anyone have a club?” Rus joked.

“...To make friends?” you pointed out.

Rus gasped theatrically, pressing a hand to his sternum.

“they're too earnest.” he mock-sobbed “i can't handle it.”

The kid just laughed as they shuffled around in a drawer full of paper.

“Never trust a word that comes out of Rus's mouth.” Sam's voice suddenly came from behind you, making you jump “He's a massive troll.”

“Hey Sam.” the kid greeted as they found what they were looking for “You alone today?”

Still in that same stoic manner, Sam checked their watch, raising an eyebrow briefly. Without a word, they went over to the window and opened it, standing back. Less than five seconds later, you leapt clear out of your skin when a body barrelled through it, landing in a heap on the floor.

“CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT!!” they yelled.

Sam closed the window. You couldn't believe your eyes when nearly a dozen bees immediately swarmed all over it.

“Bees, Reckless?” was Sam's only comment “Where did you even find bees?”

“It couldn't have been wasps?” the kid in the wheelchair joked “I would have won the pool then.”

“Damn, I'm becoming predictable.” Reckless laughed.

As the kid on the floor got up, you recognised them as the one who gave you a ride earlier. They seemed to recognise you as well, breaking out into a bright grin.

“Hey, new kid!” they greeted “You joining the club?”

Sam just grabbed them by the collar and hauled them into one of the chairs.

“Were you stung?”

“Not even once!”

“That's good.”

Whatever sincerity the moment had was ruined when Sam hit them hard over the head with their book. The kid just laughed.

“Alright, let's get this meeting in order.” Sam deferred as if they hadn't just done that “Have a seat, new kid.”

You sat at the end of the table. Sam took the paper the kid in the wheelchair gave them, looking it over for a moment.

“Let's start as we mean to go on, I guess.” they said “As you know, I'm Sam, club president. This one here is our club secretary, -”

“Club Secretary!” Reckless suddenly yelled, raising their hand “Do we have any of that purple stuff left?!”

Sam smacked them with their book again. Club Secretary just laughed.

“This is our club idiot, Reckless.” Sam finished.

“That's not their real name.” you knew.

“It might as well be.” Sam sighed.

“Don't let them fool you.” Club Secretary chuckled “They love each other really.”

“For forms sake, I'll need your full name.” Sam went on, taking a pen from their pocket.

“Full names don't seem to be that important here.” you noted.

“They aren't. My real name isn't even Sam.” they admitted “But this is for the schools record, not ours.”

“We'll need to make a nickname for you too!” Reckless declared “I guess we'll stick with 'new kid' for now.”

“Don't let Reckless choose your moniker.” Club Secretary warned “'Club Secretary' was the best they came up with for me.”

“At least it wasn't 'wheels'.” Sam noted, writing your full name on the form.

“Oh my god, who would do that?” you cringed.

“the people in the other bitty club.” Rus growled.

“The environment here is much better.” C.S confirmed.

“So, how many skeleton bitties do you have?” Sam went on.

“I have two!” you told them “Red is the big brother and Edge is the little brother.”

“And what kind are they?”

“... Kind?”

Sam looked over their glasses at you, but you honestly had no idea what they were talking about. Wasn't 'skeleton' the kind of bitty they were?

“we can always just ask them.” Rus suggested.

“Our home phone isn't plugged in yet.” you told him “And they don't have a mobile.”

Rus just let out a little laugh, jumping off Club Secretary's shoulder and onto the table. He looked up at the ceiling fan, cocky grin on his face as one of his eyes started to glow blood orange. The fan started to move, rotating slowly at first, but quickly picking up speed.

“STOP STOP STOP!” A shrill voice demanded from the ceiling.

“EGDE?!” you cried, jumping to your feet.

A second later, two very dizzy skeleton bitties blipped onto the table. Red straight up fell on his butt, letting out a groan, but Edge rounded on Rus.

“You son of a-!” he caught himself, considering the present company “You sent us on a wild goose chase all day!”

“did i?” Rus asked innocently “i could have sworn i gave you the right directions...”

“ _You_...”

“Did you guys follow me to school?!” you realised.

Tellingly, neither of them denied it, just looking at each other. Red struggled up, still looking a little green.

“in our defence,” he began, holding up his hands “... boss was bein' a little bitch about it.”

“Red!” Edge scolded.

“Holy cow, what do you _feed_ these guys?!” Reckless cried “They're enormous!”

“are you callin' me fat?” Red growled.

“Reckless, get the curtains.” Sam requested, pushing their glasses up their nose “Club Secretary, the door.”

Your fellow club goers did as requested, plunging the space into a conspiratorial dim. You were getting a little paranoid when even Reckless pulled a serious face, the three of them standing before you in the dark, their forms haloed by what little light peeked through the curtains.

“The skeleton bitty club is a small place.” Sam went on, the light reflecting off their glasses “A safe place, where like-minded people can speak and act freely.”

“Um... okay...” you said.

“It's a cult.” Edge declared “Your first day and you find the schools cult! I knew it!”

“This club has a secret.” Sam said, ignoring him “If you want to be a member of this club, you must swear to keep this secret, or suffer death by a thousand paper cuts.”

You looked at Club Secretary and Reckless, neither of whom gave anything away. Even Rus, still stood on the table, looked dour and serious.

This was... good, right? They wanted you to be part of their club, if they were willing to share it's secret with you, right?

“I promise.” you agreed eagerly “I'll keep the skeleton bitty clubs secret!”

Sam just studied your face a moment, completely unreadable, before letting out a small sigh.

“Alright.” they said, suddenly raising their voice “You can come out now.”

Before you could even ask, the high cupboards in the kitchen area were thrown open. Inside wasn't a bare space, or even regular club stuff, but a tiny hangout area, all the chairs and tables the perfect size for the skeleton bitties that poured out.

“New friends!” an absolutely tiny skeleton yelled, leaping bodily out of the cupboard and landing in Reckless's hair “When was the last time we had a new club member?!”

He tried to jump from Reckless' head to the table, only to be caught by blue magic. A skeleton in an orange hoodie grabbed him out of the air and put him down properly.

“weird homeschool kid, i think.” he said.

“Hi, I'm BB!” the tiny one introduced, bright blue eyelights winking into stars “This is my brother Stretch!”

“hey.” Stretch greeted with a shrug.

“let's not overwhelm them.” a low voice suggested.

You looked up to the other side of the table, where Sans was having a stretch, having been extracted from Sam's pocket.

“everyone stand with your kid.” he suggested “it'll make introductions easier.”

BB immediately sprinted back to Reckless, burying himself in their waiting palm. For some reason, that didn't surprise you at all. Stretch seemed like the odd one out, yawning widely as he shuffled over to them.

One of the others bitties – not quite as small as BB, but with similarly bright purple eyes, and also dressed in a school uniform – walked over to Rus, and the two of them returned to Club Secretary. The last, who looked just like Stretch, but without the slouch, stood with Sans and Sam.

“you first, new kid.” Sans suggested, looking at you.

“Oh! Right!”

For a second there with all the hubbub, you almost forgot you existed. Red and Edge backed up to stand in front of you. You started by introducing yourself with your name and grade before gesturing to your bitties.

“These guys are Red and Edge.” you repeated “I got them... three years ago?”

“Three years and seven months.” Edge corrected.

“of course ya'd know that.” Red teased, shaking his head.

“It was their birthday! It's easy to remember!”

“Most of the boys are trained service bitties.” Sam told you “Rus and Black are trained to help Club Secretary in day-to-day life.”

“I have a dog at home too.” C.S told you “But she found school too stressful.”

“Sans and Papy are trained for emotional support.” Sam admitted easily “While Stretch-”

Reckless coughed loudly.

“I'm not sure if you're aware, but separating skeleton brothers has a negative effect on their HP.” Sam continued as if that hadn't just happened “Even in the time it takes to go through a whole school day, a low HP bitty could dust.”

“the pta will only allow a kid one service animal.” Sans informed you “we petitioned them a few times, but they won't change their mind.”

“Thankfully, our club advisor is Mr Roman.” Club Secretary went on “And he _hates_ the PTA. He let us keep this room on the condition that whatever bitty isn't with us stays in here, and we don't tell _anyone_ about it.”

“So I can bring Red and Edge to school?” you picked up.

“As long as they stay in here.” Sam confirmed.

“And why can't you tell anyone?” Edge demanded.

“Because those jerks in the other bitty club will cry about it being unfair.” Reckless explained “They'll go crying to the PTA, and we'll have to disband the club. I'm not putting my little dudes in danger because of them.”

“Is that true?” you asked your bitties “Will you guys really die if you're apart?”

“why else do you think i'd put up with this asshole?” Red pointed out.

“You aren't as pleasant as a spring day yourself!” Edge retorted.

“excuse me?!”

The two lunged at each other, held back as you grabbed the back of their clothes and pulled them apart.

“No fighting!” you scolded, although they never hurt each other too badly “I will put choll out pills in your food again!”

“These guys are fun.” BB chuckled.

Sam finished up the paperwork, despite not having asked you any further questions, and handed it to Club Secretary, who checked it over.

“Well, new kid, that's that.” they told you “I guess there's only one thing left.”

San put their hands on the table, finally cracking a warm smile.

“Welcome to bitty club.”


	2. The Weird Homeschool Kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter started September 2020.
> 
> This chapter published... yeah...

Mr Roman was kinda scary. He was far from attractive, and even clean shaven he looked hairy - with his white hair and black eyes, he looked like a polar bear. He growled like one too.

Sam didn't seem bothered by him at all, and you admired their composure.

"Alright, granted." Mr Roman agreed, signing the bottom of the club form "Just don't spend too much."

"Thank you, sir." Sam said as they took it "We'll keep it reasonable."

"So, you're the new member?" the teacher asked, turning his eyes to you "They treating you well?"

"No complaints so far." you assured him "They're all really nice."

"They're a good group."

"Do you have any bitties, Mr Roman?" you asked.

"No, I have other tiny animals to care for." he replied cryptically.

"Hamsters?" you guessed.

Seemed like a logical thing for a middle school teacher to have.

Mr Roman grinned at you, clearly amused, before reaching under his desk and pulling something out.

It was a toddler, whose pastel pink dungarees he held by the scruff. The baby was adorable, with bright blue eyes and a head full of black curls. As if it wasn't weird enough that he pulled a child from under his desk, she actually shot you the double finger guns.

"My daughter, Kei." he introduced.

"She's so cute!" you complimented, not mentioning that she didn't look a single thing like him.

Probably for the best, with her being a girl.

"Why was she under the desk?" Sam asked.

"The school desks are too big for her to do her homework on." Mr Roman shrugged, passing the child to Sam as he picked up a pile of papers from the floor.

"Is that calculus?!" you gasped, spying the surprisingly legible calculations written in crayon.

"She's smart, right!" Mr Roman declared proudly before dropping back to his normal tone "But too little for pets. Three-year-old's lack the empathy to care for animals."

Just to prove his point, Kei grabbed Sam's glasses, trying them on. Sam squinted in discomfort, still holding the tot as she looked all around.

"That doesn't explain why she was under the desk." Sam criticised "Shouldn't she be in day care?"

"The day care teachers are weak." Mr Roman answered simply.

"Your eyes are bad, Sam." the baby said through her dummy.

"Thank you, Kei." Sam replied.

"You're welcome."

You left quickly after that, Sam shuffling you down the school corridor to the entrance as they checked over the paperwork again.

"Now we have the budget approved I'll need to take this to the office." they told you "Why don't you go enjoy the rest of your lunch?"

"Sure you don't want me to come with?"

"I can handle this alone." Sam assured with a smile "I just wanted to make sure you knew which teacher Mr Roman was. See you after class, new kid."

Sam took the corner leading down to the office, leaving you to your own devices. You still had enough time left in your break to eat lunch, so you headed to the club room - there was always at least one person in there to eat with, and a fridge to keep your lunch cool. Sure enough, Club Secretary was just leaving, having a giggle at something Rus had just said.

"Hi new kid." they greeted as you approached "Already done with Mr Roman?"

"He has a kid under his desk." you told them "And she does calculus?"

"Yeah, he's a weird guy." C.S laughed "Did we get our budget approved?"

"Sam's gone to the office to get it filled." you confirmed "I was just gonna grab my lunch before the bell."

Club Secretary's face twitched just a little. Rus seemed to understand implicitly what the problem was, as he shortcut away for a moment.

"Reckless is working on an essay." they told you "It's best not to disturb them."

Rus reappeared, a waft of cold air roiling off him, holding your lunchbox.

"So I can't even go in?" you asked "I'll be quiet."

"Not today." Club Secretary insisted, handing you your lunch "But it's a nice day - let me show you a good place to eat outside."

A little confused, you nonetheless followed them out the nearest exit. After a short walk through a nearly overgrown path around the side of the school you found a pond, surrounded by benches and tubs of flowers. Club Secretary stopped at the first bench, as the unpaved ground was too difficult for them to manoeuvre their chair any further.

"Wow," you gasped, looking at the beautifully manicured area "What's this place?"

"The teachers use this area for nature science." C.S explained "Their favourite thing to do in spring is collect all the frogspawn and put it in jars. Occasionally the art teachers will bring their classes out here to draw the flowers and dragonflies."

"My old school didn't have anything like this." you marvelled as you sat down to eat "I'm surprised there aren't more people here."

"Between the frogs and the ghost, most of the kids avoid it." 

It took a moment for your mind to twig onto what they had actually said.

"Ghost?" you clarified.

"If you believe in that sort of thing." they confirmed "I'm more worried about the frogs."

"How pragmatic." you laughed.

Still, you took a good look around before you started to eat.

The two of you chatted idly, mostly about music. Rus didn't have anything to contribute, but lazed on Club Secretary's lap, taking in the warm sun for as long as possible.

"Alright, I need to get back." C.S eventually sighed as a reminder on their phone went off.

"Is it that time already?" you asked, checking your watch.

"I always leave a little early - crowds and wheelchairs don't really mix, you know? You've got about ten minutes yet."

"Okay, cool." you accepted, gathering up your rubbish to toss it in a nearby bin "See you at the club later?"

"See you then." Club Secretary confirmed, Rus giving you a little wave as they left.

You tossed the rubbish in the bin, returning to stuff the empty box into your bag.

Something hit you on the back of the head, just heavy enough to be noticeable, before falling to the ground. Turning around, you saw the ball of rubbish you had just thrown away, rocking slightly on the ground.

That was... weird. Had the wind picked up? Maybe it stuck to you by static. You picked it back up and threw it back in the bin, mentally congratulating yourself for hitting the target from this distance. When you turned around to continue packing up your bag, you were once again struck on the back of the head. It was your rubbish again...

Okay, definitely not static...

You remembered what Club Secretary said about the ghost. They were just messing with you, right? There was no such things as ghosts. Just to make sure, you grabbed the rubbish and headed back to the bin, jamming it right down so it couldn't fly back up without physical interference. When you turned back to your bag, you leapt clear out of your skin - it was COVERED in frogs!! How had that happened in a couple of seconds?!

"Ugh, gross!" you cried, hoping you could get them off your bag without touching them.

The frogs didn't take kindly to your attempts to shake them off, leaping in every direction. Unfortunately, one of those directions led to your face, and you shrieked as you fell back, dropping your bag as you swiped wildly over your face and clothes.

That's when you heard it - loud, childish laughter.

You were being pranked. Better than a ghost, anyway.

"Very funny!" you yelled, not sure where the kid was "These are living creatures, you jerk!"

It took a little while for you to spot them - the child was stood in the treeline that separated the school from the park, half hidden in the shadows. They were pretty short, with wild unkempt hair and a lopsided smile, clothes dirty and too large. Not a school uniform, so they definitely didn't go here, but considering how short they were they may very well be too young.

"Didn't scare you, did I?" they teased "Not scared of pond ghosts?"

Grabbing up your now frog free bag, you stormed over to the kid. Up close, you could see they were around 8-years old at the most, face smeared with dirt and grin near feral. The bucket under their arm still had a few frogs in.

"Rubbish is one thing, but frogs are alive!" you scolded "They could have been hurt!"

"So?" they asked "I'm just gonna eat them anyway."

The disgusted noise that left your throat was covered by the bell ringing, ushering you back to class. You gave the child one last, bewildered stare before running back to the school building.

* * *

The club room wasn't a bad little place. Edge only just fit in the cupboards the club had kitted out for the bitties, which was an entirely different experience to being swallowed up by the size of human-sized rooms.

"We had a lot of debate over what colour of lights to use." BB told him, gesturing to the string of fairy lights that illuminated the space "I wanted coloured lights, but everyone said it would be too hard on our eyes. White is so boring, though."

Edge had yet to perfect sitting in a beanbag chair with any dignity, his long legs sticking out awkwardly. His brother didn't seem to have that problem, snoring away happily in the corner while the others conversed.

"Use coloured lights in your own space." Black grumbled as he leafed through a book "If we had used LED's like I wanted-!"

"Let's not have this argument again." Papy pleaded, scrolling through the playlist to find something to watch.

Technology was an amazing thing - something as simple and cheap as a kindle, hooked up the schools wifi thanks to Mr Roman giving them the password, gave the skeletons countless hours of entertainment while they waited for their humans to return. It wasn't quite theatre-screen size compared to them, but it was still pretty big.

Hanging around socially with other bitties was a new experience for Edge and his brother - they hadn't been around any others since their days in the pet shop, and even then it was more of a competition than a community: attract the attention of a good human so they could get the hell out of there.

He did not miss the pet shop.

The air wobbled briefly as Stretch shortcut back into the space, heaving an almighty sigh.

"That bad, huh?" BB knew.

"secondary school might just kill us." the taller brother warned "i need to do some more studying, i'm just gonna grab a snack first."

"Do your best!"

The cupboard was split into two levels by the shelf in the middle - the lower level was for hanging out, the higher for studying and sleeping. Since every other skeleton here was a service bitty of some kind, it made sense that they would study up on how best to help their human. Edge's kid didn't need that kind of help, but he was a little jealous all the same.

"Don't you ever feel left out?" he asked BB once Stretch had wondered off "Reckless needs your brother to help them with their schoolwork, but not you."

"Of course not!" the tiny skeleton answered easily "Balance is important, especially where young people are concerned - my brother helps Reckless study, I help them have fun! We're a perfect team!"

"We're all good at different things." Papy agreed, finally finding a lets play that took his interest "Stretch is incredibly patient, so he's a good study partner. My brother is very sedate, so he's good at keeping people calm."

"Is 'sedate' the latest word for 'lazy'?" BB joked.

"On the other hand, I don't know anyone who can match Reckless's energy like BB can." Papy finished "And I'm the best at cheering people up!"

"Ever consider defining yourself outside of your usefulness to your human?" Black grumbled.

"He's just bitter that he's banned from class." BB teased "He kept correcting the teacher."

"I won't have them teaching my human incorrect things!" he barked in reply "And I'm not banned from _every_ class!" 

"Can we even survive without humans?" Edge pondered idly.

Awkward silence fell over the group.

Bitties were always told from birth that it was impossible to survive without a human to care for them - they needed their love, and when you're small enough to be picked off by every cat, fox and falcon who can find you, staying with their human was just safer for them. Edge had often wondered if that was really true - don't get him wrong, he loves his human a lot - but would it really be that difficult to survive alone? He did most of the cooking and cleaning at home anyway, and since his human was still a kid, it more often felt like he was taking care of them, rather than the other way around. And he wasn't even an educated service bitty like his fellow club members!

"If we stopped being 'useful'," he continued to wonder "Would it really be the end of the world?"

The others looked between each other, like sharing a secret, before any of them spoke.

"We're luckier than most." Black said "Our humans are children with good hearts." 

"You haven't met Weird Homeschool Kid yet, have you?" BB asked "Their bitties are ones that went feral. They, uh... well, you'll meet them eventually."

"When you do, don't stare." Black warned "They absolutely bite."

Feral bitties? Pfft, he wasn't worried: Edge was taller than most - certainly the biggest skeleton in the club! - so really, how much of a threat could a couple of ferals be?

* * *

Reckless caught up to you as you made your way to the club room after class, straight picking you up and flinging you over their shoulders.

"Reckless!" you scolded through your laughter "Dude, put me down!"

"No can do, little buddy!" they confirmed "I got to keep you busy for like... five minutes?" 

"What? Why?"

"What, you don't like surprises?" they teased "You're coming with me to the workshop, I want to show you what I've been working on."

"Okay fine, but put me down first!"

"Promise not to run off?"

"I promise!"

With an almighty swing, Reckless did indeed put you down, leaving you reeling for just a moment before leading you on.

"Wow, you're crazy strong." you marvelled.

"One of my many talents." they confirmed, flashing you that winning smile.

You had never been in the workshop - only the older students were allowed to use it, and you weren't there quite yet. In the centre of the room was a bunch of unvarnished wooden tables, while some serious looking tools lined every wall.

"Hey, teach!" Reckless called the second they opened the door.

"Hair back and put your goggles on, Reckless." a male voice called back from... somewhere?

"We aren't using the tools, I'm just showing off." they assured, leading you to one of the cupboards.

An older male teacher poked his head around from another cupboard a moment, making you jump, before disappearing again. Reckless paid no mind at all, pulling out a cumbersome wooden box.

"Okay, check this out." they urged "I've been working on this for a few weeks now."

On closer inspection, it wasn't a box at all, but a sizeable doll house, complete with a roof and swing-open front. For something made by a middle-schooler, it was pretty sturdy looking. Reckless opened it up to give you a look at the inside, the detail of which was actually very impressive.

"Wow, this is cool!" you enthused.

"Thanks." Reckless laughed "I'm making it for BB and Stretch, so my little dudes can have their own space."

"They're gonna love it." you were sure "It's so much more detailed than the bitty houses yet get in shops."

"That's the idea."

Reckless's phone went off in their pocket, and they checked it briefly before cracking a wide grin.

"Okay, it's ready." they announced, taking the house from you to put it back "Let's go, new kid!"

You had to wonder what they were planning to keep you away from the club room, but you would find out soon enough. You and Reckless continued to chat about the house as you walked back the way you had come - they were an easy person to talk to, and their enthusiasm for life was infectious.

As you passed down a hallway of nondescript doors, one of them opened, revealing a group of smartly dressed kids. Was it another club? The girl who opened the door seemed surprised to see anyone in the hallway, pulling a sour face.

"I was wondering who was making all that noise." she complained "I should have known it was you, Reckless."

What the hell? You were just chatting, you weren't being noisy at all. Reckless just grinned in that easy way of theirs, not even slowing down.

"You know me, gotta let the world know I'm coming." they placed along "Must be going, though-"

The girl stood herself square in front of you, still looking like she was sucking a lemon as she glared at Reckless. What the hell was her problem? Did they have some kind of history? Finally, she looked at you, putting on a smile that looked 100% fake.

"Hi, I'm Christina." she introduced "I'm the president of the schools _good_ bitty club." 

Ah.

It was all coming together now.

You introduced yourself politely anyway, not here to make enemies.

"You own bitties?" Christina asked "Or are you just another one of Reckless's many, many, _many_ friends?"

... How the heck did she make having a lot of friends sound like an insult?

"Yeah, I do." you confirmed "Skeletons, actually."

"Oh." she replied, smile dropping "That's too bad. If you ever upgrade to something worth having, feel free to drop by."

_EC-FRICKIN'-SCUSE ME?!_

With a judgemental up and down look, Christina went to go back into their club room. Something flew past your face, too quickly to see, and seconds later Christina was screaming and flailing. Something had gone down her back, and judging by her desperate dancing it was something alive. Reckless took you by the shoulders and pulled you back, away from her wildly thrashing limbs, while the other members of her club got up to try and help her.

After a moment, a low, wet _plop_ hit the ground, followed by a _ribbit_. There was a frog on the floor, thankfully no worse for its time in her blazer. Where on earth had it come from? Reckless leapt forward and grabbed it as Christina let out a disgusted scream, rising her foot up to stomp on it.

"It's that bloody kid again!" she squealed, storming over to the window on the other side of the hallway and looking out "Where are they?!"

Still holding the frog in one hand, Reckless took you by the shoulder and urged you on. You felt a little like you were sneaking past an alert enemy in a videogame as you crept past her quickly, rounding the corner and scurrying off before she turned back around.

At lease you weren't the only one that kid threw frogs at?

Reckless was still holding onto it as you entered the club room. What on earth were they planning on-

"SURPRISE!"

You spun around at the loud chorus, finding the bitties and other club members gathered around the table, which was laden with sweets and fizzy drinks.

"What the heck?" you laughed.

"Your official welcome party begins now." Sam told you "Have a seat. Everyone's here."

Reckless shut the door behind you, taking the time to lock it, before going over to the window and pulling open.

"Hey, you little weirdo." they said, looking at something you couldn't see "Stop throwing frogs."

"You can't prove that was me." a young voice replied.

With a hand up from Reckless, the feral child you met earlier climbed through the window. No longer hidden by the shadows of the trees, they looked like they needed a bath.

"This is Weird Homeschool Kid." Sam introduced "... I can see from the look on your face that you've already met."

"Briefly." you confirmed.

"Oh, you're part of the club?" the kid realised "Shucks, I'm sorry."

"Don't lie." Sam scolded lightly, flicking them on the head.

"You have bitties?" you marvelled.

This kid didn't look civilised enough to be allowed around small animals. With a feral grin, they took off their open button shirt and spun around. Clinging to their back was... was that a skeleton?! It was enormous, easily as big as your two standing on each others shoulders, but its bones were thin and twiggy looking, almost like a stick insect. It looked around carefully at the people in the room, seemingly weighing it's options, before climbing up onto the child's shoulder, curling up with its hands politely on its knees. It was so big it looked like the kid should be toppling over...

"Greetings." the bitty greeted "My name is Sugar."

A normally-sized bitty hand appeared from the kids wild hair, stretching a moment before a skull popped up - one with a sizeable hole it its head and a single blood red eyelight. 

"This one is Axe." the kid explained "He hasn't really picked up talking yet."

Sure enough, Axe made a grumbling noise, not exactly a growl, before his eye hit upon the table full of sweets.

"Oh hey, food!"

* * *

Edge was... uncomfortable.

Axe he could deal with, even if the little gremlin was devouring cheese puff after cheese puff after cheese puff... where was he putting them all?! But yes, Axe he could deal with. It was Sugar who was weirding him out: he was sat on the table with the others politely enough, nodding his head and smiling, but... Edge could tell from the rigid set of his jaw and the slightly deranged look in his eyes that the newcomer didn't exactly understand what was going on around him.

Were these the ones that 'went feral' that BB had mentioned before?

Axe finished the entire bowl of cheese puffs and moved on to the cocktail sausages. When the other bitties burst out laughing at something that was said, Sugar laughed as well, but it was clearly just an echo, like a cryptid copying human speech to lure in a victim.

Edge actually flinched when Sugar noticed him watching, rigid smile getting a little tighter.

"Greetings." he said, voice subtly off in a way that made his dust crawl "My name is Sugar."

"ya made a friend, bro." Red teased.

"... Hello..." Edge tried to be civil "... I'm Edge..."

A look of panic crossed the larger bitties face, his eyes darting around for a moment.

"G... greetings?" he said again "... My name is Sugar...?"

Oh stars, that was all he could say, wasn't it?

Further awkwardness was stopped by Black, who with an almighty put upon sigh, placed a bright red glace cherry into Edges hand.

"Give him this." he explained "Sugar is better than Axe, but all either of them really understand is food."

Edge grimaced, happy he was wearing gloves as the sticky fruit sat in his palm. Sugar was already looking at him expectantly. Still a little cautious of having his hand ripped off, Edge held the cherry out for him to take. As Sugar reached for it, a blue blur shot between them, snatching it from him. Axe grinned at them, the confectionery the same colour as his delighted eye, stroking it like a precious treasure before shoving it in his mouth.

Sugar burst out laughing - a real laugh this time - followed by the rest of the group. Feeling something being placed in his hand again, Edge looked down to see Sugar had given him a cola cube.

"Oh, he likes you!" BB confirmed, using a giant marshmallow as a chair "That's great!"

"don't you mean 'sweet'?" Stretch added.

"No, I don't." his brother replied flatly, eliciting another round of laughter.

Red squealed as Axe climbed up on his back, noisily sniffing him before noticing the pizza roll in his hand and trying to scale his arm to get to it.

"hey, get off, ya gremlin!"

"Hey, Axe!" Papyrus cooed, the feral bitty's eyes immediately snapping to him "Look, jelly!"

Damn these kids had made a lot of food. Considering how much Weird Homeschool Kid and their bitties were eating, Edge was surprised there wasn't more. Seeing the jelly, Axe's eye dilated, and he all but launched himself from Red's steady frame and into the bowl.

* * *

The party lasted maybe two hours, everyone just sat around talking, eating party food and joking. Mr Roman stopped by at one point, just to say hi, all bitties immediately jumping out of reach of the toddler, who was no on reins, but they didn't stay too long.

You felt insanely appreciated as you walked home, full of stodge and sugar and the love of your new friends. No-one had ever thrown you a surprise party before...

"Hey, new kid!"

You stopped, thankfully safely in the pavement, as Weird Homeschool Kid caught up to you. Edge and Red were sat up on your shoulders, eyeing them warily.

"Sorry about before." the kid said earnestly "I didn't know you were a friend."

"I get the feeling you do that to a lot of people." you opined "At least enough that people think the pond is haunted."

"Yeah, kinda." they confirmed without remorse "But I'll give you this if you forgive me?"

They held out their hand, fingers closed over their palm. You were... reluctant. Not because you weren't willing to let bygones be bygones, but because everything about them was kind of gross.

"Don't do it." Edge hissed quietly "It's a trap."

"it's something disgusting." Red agreed "used gum, or a dead rat."

While you thought they were probably right... you still held out your hand, bracing yourself for something gross and slimy.

It was a tiny skull. Judging by the wide mouth and big eye holes (and the person who gave it to you), you could guess it once belonged to a frog.

"Wow..." you said, trying to sound grateful "This is... clean!"

"Thanks, it's Sugars best work." Weird Homeschool Kid preened "He's very creative. See you next time, new kid!"

Without further ado, they ran off, vaulting over someone's garden fence. Judging by the scream that followed, it wasn't their house. You were just able to see them leap over the next one...

Weird Homeschool Kid, was, appropriately... weird.

You couldn't help but laugh, placing the frog skull carefully in your pocket while Edge started to scream.

"WASH YOUR HANDS, WASH YOUR HANDS, WASH YOUR HAAAAANNNNNDDDSSS!!!!"


	3. Field Trip!

You couldn't help but watch Axe as he casually gnawed on Weird Homeschool Kids hand. He wasn't even breaking the skin, just absently chewing while sleepily staring off into space. The kid didn't even seem to notice, trying their best to pay attention to the meeting.

"What about the aquarium?" Class Secretary suggested.

"Veto!" Kid almost yelled, free hand shooting up to make sure they were noticed.

"Then how about the beach?" Reckless adjusted.

"Can't get my chair over the sand." C.S pointed out.

Reckless hummed, thinking a moment.

"Movie?"

"We should at least try to make it look like it's club related." Sam sighed.

"I don't think sticking our middle fingers up at the other bitty club counts as a field trip." Kid supposed, earning a ruffle of their messy hair by a grinning Reckless.

"Why do we have to take a field trip anyway?" you asked.

"Mandatory club activities." Sam admitted, looking over some paperwork "We either have to go on one small trip per term, or one overnight trip per year. We don't have enough members to make an overnight trip affordable, so here we are."

"I still think we should go to the pool." Reckless insisted "While the weather is still nice. We can get some one on one time in, Club Secretary, before the swimming unit starts."

"My grandmother is trying to get me out of it." they told them "Since the teacher can't watch me close enough. Thanks for the offer, though."

"No swimming, please!" Kid insisted, going so far as to stand up so their hand could rise higher "No aquariums, no beach, no water!"

"Alright, sit down." Sam sighed "We all know you can't swim, Kid."

"I can teach you." Reckless offered.

"No, no you can't!"

"What about that new emporium?" you recalled "The one that just opened on Princess Street?"

That got everyone's attention, all eyes around the table turning to you.

"Emporium?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, it's a bitty emporium." you clarified "It's like five stories tall. We can go check it out, see how good it is."

"There's merit in that..." the club president agreed thoughtfully, writing down some notes "See if it's fit for purpose."

"If it's just Princess Street, then my grandmother can drive us." Club Secretary offered.

"... We don't have to spend any money, do we?" Kid asked quietly.

"No." Sam answered simply "And since it's a shop, it's free to get into."

What kind of 8-year-old had money to burn anyway?

"Any objections to the emporium?" Club Secretary asked the group.

Reckless half-heartedly raised their hand.

"Any objections that _matter?"_ Sam stressed.

Reckless thought a moment, eyes travelling up, before shrugging and lowering their hand.

"Alright then." they continued "Sans, what do you guys think?" 

"Anywhere but the beach!" Papy insisted "Seagulls are the _worst!"_

The other bitties on the table nodded sagely, like this was simply Known.

"I suppose the emporium will be a safe enough environment." Black thought "I'm worried about it being open to the public, though."

"mr. roman will be with us, right?" Stretch assumed "who's gonna snatch a kid with that guy around?"

"We'll have a buddy system." Reckless assured "Homeschool kid and new kid are the youngest, so they'll have to stay with either me or Sam."

"Hey, I'm only a year younger than Club Secretary!" you objected.

"I pity anyone who tries to abduct Homeschool kid." Sam joined with a wry smile "But it's a good idea. That being said, let me get the proposal to the office before Mr Roman goes home. If everything goes to plan, we'll be going this time next week."

* * *

It really sucked that you still had to wear your school uniform on the trip, but rules were rules. Edge was his usual twitchy self, glaring at every curious tweenager that passed you as you waited at the gate for the rest of the club while sat up on your shoulder, while Red rested casually on your head, only kept awake by the threat of gravity throwing him off.

"I don't like this." Edge grumbled "Where are the others? Did we get the wrong day?"

"It's been five minutes, Edge, just relax." you soothed.

"Was it all a trick?" he went on "Are we being japed?!"

"Edge!" you groaned.

A flurry of small footsteps approached from the street. Weird Homeschool Kid looked like they'd actually had a bath, and made an attempt to brush their hair. They still looked a little feral, but their clothes were cleaner than usual and their face wasn't covered in dirt. Going out with the club was clearly something important to them.

"Hey, New Kid!" they greeted "Are we meeting here?"

"That was the plan." you assured.

"Maybe!" Edge fretted.

"Stop being paranoid." Sam ordered coolly, approaching with Reckless, Mr Roman, and his baby from the school building.

Between them, Reckless and Sam were carrying a sizable bitty carrier, no doubt a necessary safety precaution for the car.

"You're late!" the bitty on your shoulder huffed.

"our ride's not even here yet." Stretch pointed out, lounging on top of Reckless' head "Relax, dude."

"Don't tell me to relax!"

A car horn tooted twice. You looked around as a minivan pulled up to the front of the school, a bright blue sticker in the window displaying that it was kitted out for wheelchairs. Club Secretary opened the door from inside, giving everyone a smile.

"Get in losers, we're going shopping."

Reckless burst out laughing. You knew that was a line from a movie, but you had no idea which one.

"It's from Mean Girls." Sam provided to the confused expressions of those who hadn't seen it.

It was a bit of a tight squeeze to get everyone in the van. Mr Roman sat up front with Club Secretary's grandmother - a sensible looking woman wearing a nurses uniform and woolly cardigan - and kept Kei in his lap, since he didn't think to bring a car seat for the toddler. Sam and Reckless sat with Club Secretary in the second row of seats, while you and Weird Homeschool Kid sat in the last row, with the collapsed wheelchair stored to the side. The carrier was jammed securely in the back, the skeletons not making any fuss about riding inside.

Kid looked a bit awestruck, looking all around the interior with big eyes. Did they not get to ride in cars often?

"First time in a minivan?" Club Secretary asked as the vehicle started moving.

"Daddy's got a pickup..." Kid confirmed, before realising what they said and going bright red "My father! My father has a pickup!"

"You can call him Daddy, we aren't going to judge." Reckless assured.

"That's a baby word." Kid sulked, embarrassed by their slip "I need to use grown up words now."

"I say 'Daddy' too?" Kei opined from the front seat, probably not as comforting as it should be coming from a three year old "... I like cars. They go fast."

Mr Roman just patted the baby's head, fighting the grin that threatened to break out on his face.

* * *

Inside the carrier, sounds from outside were surprisingly muffled. There were a few rows of plastic seats moulded into it, making it look like a bus made for dolls, but luckily it wasn't going to be a long trip so they didn't have to worry too much about comfort. Axe was the most uncomfortable, as he clearly had no idea what was happening, while Rus was looking a little green. BB and Papy were sat next to each other, reading over the website for the emporium on Sams phone, while Stretch took the opportunity to get some shut eye. Edges legs were bouncing up and down, despite how cool he tried to play it, while Red was turned around in his seat chatting with Black. Sugar just hummed to himself in that vacant way he always did, long limbs folded up neatly to fit in his seat.

It was their fullest field trip yet. As much work as it was to juggle their various egos, Sans was thrilled that Sam was making so many good friends.

"Ten minutes left!" his brother informed him helpfully.

"ok." Sans sighed, getting up from his chair and standing shakily at the front of the carrier "can i have everyone's attention, please?"

Nine bitties worth of eyelights locked on him.

"since we're nearly there, this is a good time to go over the rules." Sans pointed out "since we're going to be out in a public space, safety is our number one priority. stay with your kid at all times, and be in physical contact whenever possible. one brother needs to keep their eye on their kid, the other needs to make sure they know where the other kids are. you can decide between you who does what."

"no offence, short stuff, but ain't that the geezers job?" Red pointed out.

"One teacher for five kids? Plus his own?" Black reminded him "He can't watch all of them!"

"it's nothing we don't do when out with our kids anyway." Rus shrugged "we're just in a group this time. you just gotta make sure you know where the others are."

"we'll be moving floor by floor through the building." Sans went on "the kids are free to move around, but make sure they don't leave the floor without the group. rule number one is to make sure they don't leave the building alone."

"Question!" BB announced, hand shooting up "Why not?"

"Because that's how abductions happen!" Black barked "We arrived as a group, and we leave as a group! That's safety 101!"

"You're paranoid." BB teased.

"he's right, though." Stretch said.

"each kid has a work sheet, at least try to keep them on task." Sans finished "our club hasn't been audited in a while, we don't want to give them any excuses. any other questions?"

"are we there yet?" Rus asked, earning a chittering of laughter.

The vehicle slowed to a stop, a beeping noise signalling their full halt.

"as a matter of fact, we are."

* * *

The trip wasn't too long - half an hour with traffic - and soon enough you arrived at the highstreet, looking over the glass façade of the five story shop.

"Modern architecture." Sam noted, writing something down "That's a point against it."

"Hideous!" Papy agreed, sat up on their shoulder.

"Alright, I'll meet you kids back here in two hours." Club Secretary's grandmother told them once everyone was out the car "Is that enough time?"

"More than." Mr Roman grumbled.

"Thanks for driving us." Club Secretary had the manners to say "We'll see you soon."

"Thanks for driving us!" Weird Homeschool Kid echoed, eliciting a round of thanks from everyone else.

Now out of the carrier, each skeleton attached themselves to their human. Most were in normal places, like sat on shoulders or lying on heads, Rus and Black having the luxury of a lap, but Sugar had slid down Kids back, head poking out of their t-shirt and arms around their neck, while Axe was bound up in a drawstring pouch around their neck, only his head sticking out. You supposed it was either that, or put him on a lead with a muzzle. You had one bitty on each shoulder as the group entered the shop.

"First floor, accessories." Sam noted "Clothes, toys, food... okay."

Stepping away from the door, Sam handed out the work sheets and biros.

"We need to at least make it look like we're working, so make some notes as we go." they said "Reckless, you and Kid take food. Make a note of price and variety, see if there's any free samples, that kind of thing."

"When you say 'notes'..." Reckless asked as they took the paper.

"A few words is fine, it doesn't need to be complicated."

"Okay, cool."

"Club Secretary, you and I will take a look at toys. Mr Roman, you happy to go with New Kid to clothes?"

"You kids need to start using your real names." was his only answer.

Sat in the crook of his arm, Kei looked around in interest.

"Is it wise to leave Reckless and Kid alone?" Edge wondered, keeping his eyes on them as the group disbanded "Especially on the ground floor?"

"Reckless is more responsible than people think." Mr Roman assured him.

Sure enough, they had already convinced Kid to hold their hand as they walked around, something you don't think you could have done.

"Their name is literally 'Reckless'!" Edge pointed out.

"i'm more worried about axe in front of all the food." Red added, picking at his teeth.

"It's probably in packaging." Edge supposed "I doubt either of them can read."

You reached the clothing area, and immediately heaved a disappointed sigh. Rather than being split into garment types - jackets, trousers, underwear, etc. - it was split down the middle by the paint on the wall. One side was pink and white, the other blue and black.

"Obnoxious gender binary." you noted, writing on your work sheet "That's a minus."

"Men's clothes don't fit me right." Edge grumbled, crossing his arms.

"they would if ya didn't wear shit so low." Red rebutted "i swear i don't know where to look half the time."

"Language!" his brother scolded "And pardon me for not stooping to elastic waistbands!"

"Enough arguing." Mr Roman ordered.

"Let's at least see if any of this stuff is any good." you softened.

To the shops credit, they had a good variety of clothes, from mass produced basics to a tailoring service, so it seemed to cater for any budget. Point in their favour. Out of curiosity, you checked the sizes - the largest would only _just_ fit Red, who was admittedly rather husky on top of being one of the larger genuses. You couldn't begin to guess BB's size, but made a note of the smallest you could find.

"Ah." Mr Roman noted, picking up a free catalogue and handing it to you "Here, for the club."

"Well, hello there!" an overly friendly voice called, it's owner appearing in short order "Welcome to Bitporium! Is there something particular you're after today?"

"No, just looking." the teacher grumbled.

"Bitporium sounds like a medicine." Kei told the sales assistant "You should change it."

"Well, aren't you clever!" she answered professionally, probably used to the strange things small children came out with "What's your name, sweetheart?"

"I don't know you well enough to tell you." she replied "Haven't you heard of stranger danger?"

The sales assistant's smile twitched. Mr Roman did nothing to help.

"Do you have leather jackets?" you asked, saving her from further awkwardness "Edge has been bugging me for one for a while."

"I look _amazing_ in leather." he confirmed, earning himself an eye roll from his brother.

"We sure do, sweetie!" the sales assistant confirmed, grabbing the lifeline "Just over here."

She led you to the male side immediately, making Edge sigh. 

"So uninspired." he grumbled.

"we still got the bedazzler at home." Red reminded him "we can add our own spikes."

"Ugh, I suppose."

The selection really was uninspired, limited to short biker jackets and long trench coats in colours that ranged from dark brown to black.

"This one here is my absolute favourite." the sales assistant told you, picking one particular bland design from the rack "Its so soft, and it's made from vegan leather, so it's ethical as well as stylish!"

"It's plastic." Kei said bluntly.

"It's not plastic, sweetie." the sales assistant corrected "It's vegan leather."

Mr Roman frowned, but Kei needed no help.

"The most common method used for making synthetic leather, particularly when its mass produced, is binding a plastic to a fabric backing, like polyvinyl chloride or polyurethane." the toddler lectured off the top of her head "Polyvinyl chloride, or PVC, is made in a process called polymerization, where molecules of vinyl chloride monomers combine. The process releases dioxins, a toxic chemical, when it gets hot. PVC is also a rigid plastic, so making it pliable requires treating the plastic with phthalates, which are known to damage the liver, kidneys, lungs, and reproductive system when leached out of the material and into the human body, also by heating the material."

Everyone just stared at her. Edge and Red both had their mouths hanging open. The child herself seemed to lose interest, playing with the buttons on her fathers shirt.

"So yeah, it's plastic." she finished.

The sales assistant looked at Mr Roman, completely speechless.

"Don't lie to children." was his only reply "Plastic is plastic."

"Boring is boring!" Edge added "Let's take a look at the other side, see if the designers could be bothered with those!"

The sales assistant took the opportunity to excuse herself, probably not paid enough to deal with genius toddlers. After a minute, Sam and Club Secretary relieved you from your post to let you look around the floor before the group moved on.

Red and Edge didn't really 'play', per say, so the toys held little interest for them. Red would much rather sleep or watch TV, while Edge was always fussing over something, cooking or cleaning or making his clothes more fabulous.

"You need a human to drive it?!" Edge shrieked indignantly, smacking the antenna of the bright red convertible proudly on display "What's the point, then?!"

"no point at all." Red agreed.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable with the idea of you on the road." you told him honestly.

"It's battery powered, how fast could it possibly go?!"

"not fast enough."

"Not fast enough!"

You were surprised to find Reckless and Weird Homeschool Kid still checking out the food selection. Stretch was reading out the name of one of the brands letter by letter in a slow, calm voice, which Reckless duly wrote down. They squinted at the word once they were finished.

"No, it's nonsense." they said certainly.

"it looks scandinavian." Stretch supposed "it's not a word you'll ever need."

"Any free samples?" you asked as you approached.

"Not anymore!" BB announced, chewing on a biscuit "Shame, some of this stuff is pretty good." 

"You have bad taste." Kid disagreed "If Axe won't eat something, it's probably inedible. And I've seen him eat a rock because it had some peanut butter on it."

"Axe won't eat them?" you asked.

To prove it, Kid took a biscuit from their pocket, where you were sure a lot of the others had disappeared to, and held it in front of Axe, who was still bound up in the pouch. He seemed interested at first, giving it a good sniff, before showing obvious disgust and turning his head away like a toddler refusing to eat a vegetable.

"That's concerning." you agreed.

Freed of their task, they both immediately went to the toys, neither interested in clothes at all. It seemed BB wasn't as fussy about human driven cars as Edge, soon screaming in delight as Reckless piloted it around the prepared track at full speed.

"please slow down." Stretch insisted, looking far less happy "please slow down, please slow down, _please slow down_."

After twenty minutes, it was time to move on to the next floor. Mr Roman stopped with Club Secretary at the doors to the lift.

"You're not seriously..." Reckless began to tease, before their face went blank "Forgot who I was talking to. Sorry."

"Mouth quicker than your brain again?" Club Secretary replied in good humour.

"Every day." Reckless answered with a wink before turning to Kid "Race you up!"

"I'll win!" the child declared.

"No horseplay on the stairs!" Sam ordered.

As the door to the lift opened, a couple of teenage boys rushed forward, jostling Club Secretary in their rush to get in. The lift was so small that the two of them took up the whole space, giving those they jumped ahead of a smug grin.

"Sorry, squirt, you'll have to get the next one." one smarmed as the door started to close.

Mr Roman grabbed the door, forcing it back open. He was a large man, and holding a toddler did nothing to soften his rough looks. The boys realised their mistake even before he grabbed the gobby one by the shirt and literally manhandled him out.

"Act like a man." he growled "Stupid brat."

He continued glaring at them as he held the door for Club Secretary. You pried your eyes away from the scene and headed up the stairs.

* * *

The next floor was 'habitat', and to be honest you weren't sure what that meant before seeing it. It turned out to be bitty houses, aquariums, and furniture. Again, the group split up, and this time you went with Reckless to check out the houses.

They were kind of disappointing. The blank ones you could understand, since you were supposed to decorate them yourself, but the fully made up ones were so plain, and some were noticeably cheap. 

"The one you're making is better." you opined as Reckless looked over one particular model.

"I thought so too." they agreed "But I do like the modular aspect of this one, it's an interesting design. Being able to move the rooms around as needed, add more as you can afford them... then again, there's the issue of power isolation, especially if it's mains supported. If you changed the material from plywood..."

Everything they said became white noise in your ears. Not that it wasn't interesting, you just had no clue what they talking about. You had no idea what 'grounding' was, or how epoxy resin was superior, if heavier to a tile sheet... or what a 'tile sheet' even really was... but Reckless sure liked talking about it.

"That being said, it's not very aesthetic, is it?" they finished "What do you guys think?"

"You're so smart and pretty." was BB's answer, hugging Reckless's face before giving them a kiss.

"i'd trust one you'd make over this one." Stretch replied "i don't like modular electronic parts when they're mass produced. too much room for error."

All three of them looked at you, waiting expectantly.

"... Yes." Was the only answer you had.

"Yes." Edge agreed.

"the hell are ya talkin' about?" Red answered honestly. 

"I'll help you make your own, if you like." Reckless offered, not judgemental at all of your ignorance "There's nothing like a custom unit, let me tell you!"

After a brief look at the aquariums and terrariums, which held no interest for anyone in the club, you all convened at the furniture. A lot of it looked like doll furniture, cheaply made and distractingly uncomfortable, while some of the higher grade stuff cost as much as their human sized counterparts.

"i need this mattress." Red told you seriously as he sampled the display models "its so comfortable, ya got no idea."

"You've never slept in your own bed in your life." Edge pointed out "Ever since we came home you've slept on our humans bed!"

"not in front of the others!" Red hissed, face lighting up.

BB was too busy jumping up and down on one of the other display models to notice, while Stretch just didn't seem to care.

The next floor was full of books - most of them were human books about how to care for bitties, but one full wall was tiny books designed for bitties to read comfortably.

Sam looked like they were in heaven, cracking the most genuine smile you'd ever seen on them, while Reckless made a strangled noise at the sight of it.

"I'm going to the bathroom..." they excused.

"Twenty minutes." Sam reminded them before wandering starry-eyes into the aisles.

Curiously, Mr Roman went with Reckless. Since Sam was away with the fairies and Club Secretary was taking notes, you stuck with Kid.

"Do you read many books?" you asked.

"Now and then." they admitted, looking bored "It's not a hobby like it is for Sam. You?"

"Mostly fiction." you admitted.

"Fiction?" they asked.

"Y'know... storybooks."

"Oh. Aren't those for little kids?"

"You get storybooks for adults." you defended "They're called novels."

"Oh...I didn't know that."

You weren't sure it this was just a case of Weird Homeschool Kid being weird, or needing more school and less home.

"What do you do for fun?" you asked as you browsed the shelves.

"I spend a lot of time in the woods." they told you "I know a lot about trees and plants and junk. Oh, I just finished whittling a handle for a knife! Daddy was so proud! He takes me shooting a few times a week too!"

... You were starting to get concerned.

"Are there many kids your age where you live?"

"Nah, just me." they said "That's why I like coming to the school. I mean, Sugar and Axe have stuck with me since I nursed them back to health, but they don't talk, you know? Besides, at the club I get to hang out with older kids!"

You looked briefly at Axe, who was gnawing on the fabric of the bag he was in, and Sugar, who seemed to be completely disassociating, not a single thought clear on his face. Yeah, they probably weren't the best company. 

* * *

The forth floor was a salon, with all kinds of pampering services on offer. There wasn't much to browse here, but the bored attendants were happy to explain what they did when you told them why you were there, giving more leaflets and catalogues to add to the groups growing collection.

Not that you could make use of the vast majority of them, since skeletons had no hair to cut and no scales to shine. The only thing they could really attend was the Bone Scrub, and for reasons it was hard to explain just the name of it made you uncomfortable.

"Skeletons are a very low maintenance breed." Sam confirmed.

"Some of us lower than others." Papy teased, eyes locked on his brother.

Sans just shrugged with an unaffected laugh. He knew what he was about.

"Personally, I love a good pamper session!" he went on "A long soak in a bath full of smelling salts, a good massage with a high quality moisturiser, and a clean soft bathrobe are some of my favourite things!"

"you go girlfriend." Red teased.

"Quiet, you." you replied.

"don't be jealous because my bro's not afraid of his softer side." Sans answered immediately "you look like you could use a good moisturise too."

Red flipped him off, which was answered by a smack around the head from Edge.

You took the twenty minutes you were there to sample the various soaps and colognes. Edge was absolutely taken with one simply called 'bone cologne', which had no discernable smell to humans, but which the skeletons assured you was absolutely delightful.

The final floor was split into two parts, the first of which was 'Bitty Services', which again took a little explanation. The area the group could get to was just a sitting area, with various desks that led to various doors. There was a vet, a rehoming service, and... a matchmaking service?

"It's for bitties who decide they want to have babies." Club Secretary told you "Or for those who bond for life, it helps them find a spouse."

"Think you might want babies one day?" you teased your boys, giving them both pokes.

"kid, we got our hands full just keein' up with _you_." Red replied.

"Never say never." Black suggested "Who knows what the future holds?"

"why is that sassy child tryin' to be deep?"

Black did not like being teased, letting lose a shouty tirade. Red just grinned, completely unrepentant.

The second half of this floor was a pet shop, where all manner of bitties were on sale. You noticed that each skeleton clung just that bit closer to their human, but seeing as they weren't dressed in the shops uniform it was unlikely they'd be mistaken for merchandise.

The Grillbitties were as mesmerising as always to look at - you had heard they weren't hot at all to touch, but you weren't brave enough to find out. The Naga's were also pretty interesting, but they were expensive to keep and didn't like being handled. You found the bird and fish pretty, if boring, even if the Undynes would occasionally fight each other if not kept otherwise occupied. The only skeletons in sight were Baby Blues and Lil' Bro's, the same genus as BB and Stretch, which was another disappointment to add to the pile.

"Well yeah, most people think skeletons are gross..." the teenage worker said thoughtlessly before noticing what every last one of you had on your person, trailing off awkwardly.

"Alright," Sam announced when an alarm on their phone went off "We've got twenty minutes left until our lift back to school arrives. You can go to any floor you like if you want to take another look or buy anything, but make sure you have someone else with you. We'll meet on the ground floor in fifteen minutes. I'm going back to look at the books."

"I'll go with you." Club Secretary agreed, the two of them wandering back to the lift.

Before Reckless could say anything, Mr Roman grabbed them, pulling them over to a table in the seating area.

"Get your worksheet out." he ordered "You have twenty minutes to finish it."

Wait, Reckless was still doing that? You had finished yours ages ago.

"Can we go back to the ground floor?" Weird Homeschool Kid asked you "I want to check out the clothes!"

"Sure, I don't mind." you agreed, headed for the stairs "You think they'll fit your guys?"

"No way." Kid admitted "But if I can get a good look at the patterns, I can make my own!"

"Patterns?"

By the time everyone arrived on the ground floor, Weird Homeschool Kid had filled your head with clothes making knowledge, jotting down a couple dozen patterns on a scrappy notepad of theirs. Reckless looked positively stressed, while Sam was beaming, clutching a sizable tome they had bought. You had picked up a couple of things yourself, even if Edge still couldn't find a leather jacket he liked - plastic or otherwise. 

Since time was getting on, Club Secretary's grandmother insisted on driving you all home rather than leave you at school to find your own way back.

Weird Homeschool Kids father was waiting for them at the end of a dirt road, pickup truck at the ready. He kind of looked how Mr Roman might if he decided to be a serial killer instead of a teacher, but he still cracked a smile when his chid leapt out of the van.

"Hi Daddy!"

"Hey, Pumpkin." he greeted "Have fun with your friends?"

He and Mr Roman gave each other the Man Nod when the teacher handed over Sugar and Axe, Weird Homeschool Kid talking nonstop about the trip the way excited children are wont to do.

Mr Roman himself had his car at school, and Reckless had left their bike there. Since your house was close by, you were dropped off next.

"You live in a mansion?!" Reckless all but shrieked as the car pulled up to the gate, earning them a smack on the head from Sam.

"Just a little one..." you confirmed self-consciously as you opened the door "It's really more of a townhouse."

"It's a lot to clean is what it is!" Edge complained.

"Catch you guys tomorrow?" 

"See you then, New Kid." Club Secretary bid, the whole group giving you a wave as you closed the door and headed up the driveway.


End file.
